Normal days of a normal exorcist
by Kanda-Chan
Summary: Umm.. no summary for this. Just a story me and 2 fellow authoress's wrote :D
1. Chapter 1

O.. THIS IS THE RESULT OF ME, LATTECURLZ, AND BLUEMOONWRITER13 ON CRAAAAAAAACK! However, this is NOT a crackfic. AT ALL. Just clearing up. In some ways, it makes more sense than every other crack!fic ever. This fanfic is the product of our weirdness,  
>random-ness, and... crack. XD Disclaimer: DGM DOES NOT BELONG TO US! THIS STORY, AND 3 CHARACTERS, BELONG TO US. Soren Cross(Blue's OC), Lin No-last-name(Latte's OC), and Lalota Walker(My OC). :) Warning(s): Hookers, Cocaine, and Crack! JK! Real Warnings: Girls who dress like guys and are gender-confused, CRACK AND COCAINE, Strippers. Cautions: This fanfic may cause Laughter Pains, LOLING, Ephifanys, and CORRUPTION... XD So, enjoy ourr crackyness... and strippers.<p>Somewhere in the headqaurters of the Black Order, Soren Cross, Lin, and Lalota Walker were having a 'peaceful' girl's night in Lalota's room. "OK, so everyone put your pyjamas on.!" Lin yelled. "Nah, why not just wear short-shorts and sports bra's? Makes things more interesting.!" Lalota suggested, jumping up and down excitedly.<br>"Sure! sounds awesome!" Soren said, mimicking Lalota. Lin shook her head. "Why? Not like anyone's gonna see us." She said sarcasticly while stripping. Lalota and Soren smiled at each other than ran and hugged Lin.  
>"It's ok!" They said togethor, "We know you wish Lavi-senpai were here!" They laughed and ran when Lin tried to hit them. "IM A GUY!" She yelled loudly, in case anyone was listening. "And besides, it's not like it matters." She smirked and started putting her shorts on.<br>Lalota and Soren rolled their eyes and changed into their 'pyjamas'. "Hey," Lalota said, "You guys wanna play truth or dare?" The other two looked at each other before smiling. Things were about to get interesting. ~SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE TO OUTSIDE IN THE HALLWAY~ Out in the hallway, a group of people were walking down it, talking. Lavi, Lenalee, Miranda, Krory, Kanda, Marie, and Allen were in the front, and Komui and Bak were behind them walking very slowly. They came to the door of Lalota's room and stopped outside as they heard sounds from inside. Lavi walked over to the door and pressed his ear to the wood. He was shortly followed by the others, minus Komui and Bak. "EEEKK!" They heard from the room. "What are you doing to me?" Allen looked at the others and recognized the voice as none other than Soren Cross, not notifying the others.(they should already know anyways)  
>"Oh, stop it! You've gotten bigger. Let me touch them!" They heard Lalota's voice, and Allen's eye twitched. "Lalota will you stop? It's wrong what you're doing to Soren!" They all stepped back for a second and pondered a thought; 'What in the 7 heavens was Lalota doing to Soren?' They put their ears back to the door and heard "Oh shush Lin. You've gotten bigger too!" Everyone was shocked to hear that Lalota and Soren were in a room with Lin talking about such obscene things.<br>"What the heck are they doing?" Allen asked, his naivety kicking in. Lavi smiled.  
>"Sounds to me like Lin's gettin lucky. A threesome, huh?" He said, grinning deviously. ~SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE BEDROOM~ "Hey, Lalota. Don't you have a ton of stuffed animals somewhere?" Soren asked with a devious face.<br>"Yeah they're all in the closet." She said, looking at the small cupboard-like door.  
>"Well why don't you go get them then?"<br>"Fine!" Lalota huffed, standing up and wallking (or more like strutting) towards the closet. As she opened the door a sea of animals of all kinds, colors,  
>and sizes fell out onto the floor, just like the story of Noah's arc all over again (no pun intendded).<br>"Oh my god. And I thought I had a lot of stuffed animals!" Lin exclaimed as she picked up the dark blue kitten and held it up to her face curiously.  
>"OMGLEE! It's my Kanda-kitty!" Lalota squealed chibily.<br>"Your Kanda? You have a cat? A Kanda cat? There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you!" Soren relayed.  
>"No there isn't! He named it himself!" Lalota proclaimed as Lin and Soren looked at her questionably.<br>"What was Kanda doing in your..." Lin started as she was cut off by Soren squealing at a red bunny with an eyepatch.  
>"Who does this look like?" Soren squealed, pushing the plushie into Lin's face. Lin stared at it with an excited face.<br>"Lavi!..." Her face then fell. "I mean...nobody I know."  
>"Yeah, okay. Anyway! Look at this cute little vegetable thing!" Lalota said, picking up a strange plushie that looked like a bean sprout.<br>"Moyashi! My Allen!" Soren exclaimed, hugging the plushie with great force.  
>~SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE~ Everyone looked at Allen questionably as he blushed bright red, looking down, his bangs hiding his eyes. Kanda and Lavi snickered as Cross and Klaud came walking down the hallway. "What's going on?" Klaud asked.<br>"Oh nothing, just listening to something veeery interesting." Lavi said. "Like the fact that Alle-" Allen came over and cut Lavi off by placing his hand over Lavi's mouth. "Absolutely nothing, master. Nothing. Definitly nothing to do with Soren!" Allen said quickly, smiling.  
>Kanda facepalmed, thinking 'Wow... he's an idiot. Just like Baka Usagi.' Cross looks suspiciously at them.<br>"Whatever. I know my daughters in there, move so i can listen." He said, shoving Allen out of the way. Klaud looked at him in disgust, then placed her ear next to his. And then. Timothy came along the hall. He stopped and looked at the group near the door, then placed his ear on the wood without any of them noticing.  
>~NO SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE~ "So, Lin, are you still a virgin?" They heard Lalota ask. "What's a virgin?" They heard. They all jumped at the sight of Timothy. "T-timothy! No, you don't need to hear this kinda thing!" Miranda said, dragging Timothy away while covering his ears. "Oh, Miranda, let him listen. Better to hear this kinda thing when you're young." Cross said.<br>"And who else better to teach him than you?" Allen said, smirking.  
>"Or Lalota." Lavi added. Allen glared and growled at him.<br>"I do NOT want to hear you saying my twin sister is perverted." He said.  
>"Moyashi, Usagi, shutup! You're gonna give us away! And then that'll ruin our fun! I rarely get to have this much fun!" Everyone stared at Kanda after his childesh rant, while he stomped his foot. After about 5 seconds, they pressed their ears to the door again.<br>~YAY FOR SUDDEN SCREEN CHANGES~ "Sooooo," Lalota started, "Look Lin, i brought rope!" She held up a long peice of rope.  
>"No! I agreed to do this but no rope! I quit if we include the rope!" Lin exclaimed.<br>"But what about these?" Soren asked naively as she held up a pair of fuzzy blue handcuffs (though she totally wasn't naive).  
>"DEFINTELY not handcuffs!" Lin then gave a thoguhtful look. "Though I will do the bunny ears."<br>"YAAAAAY!" Soren exclaimed happily.  
>"Oh, kinky." Lalota purred.<br>"Although Soren, before you put those handcuffs on me I would like to...TICKLE YOOOOU!" Lin squealed, pouncing on the opportunity to tickle her bestfriend.  
>"Wow, it's been a while since you've been able to do these kind of things, hasn't it Lin?" Lalota asked her overly excited friend.<br>"Stop tickling me Lin! I'm extremely ticklish!" Soren complained through giggles.  
>"I know! That's why I'm doing it Soren!" Lin chuckled with glee. Suddenly Soren jumped up out of her position and grabbed one of the stuffed rabbits.<br>"Oh, so that's how ya wanna play" Lin said as she grabbed one of the pillows off the bed and began chasing Soren around the room.  
>"This is gonna get INTERESTING!" Lalota sang.<br>"AHHHHH! LIN! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!" Soren squealed. Suddenly the door exploded as everyone who had been listening fell into the room.  
>"What are you doing touching MY daughter like THAT?" Cross bellowed with the fury of ten Noah. Everyone stopped as they realized that Soren was in the corner clutching the stuffed rabbit, Lalota was on the bed sitting forward watching what was going on intently, and Lin was standing behind Soren with a pillow raised above her head revealing her seemingly obvious chest.<br>"AHHHHHHHH!" The trio's delayed reaction startled everyone into reality. Soren and Lalota rushed over to their friend Lin and covered her.  
>"I'M A GUY!" Lin repeated over and over urgently as everyone gaped at himher.

~END OF CHAPTER 3~

A/N: Ok, so... ya... second chapter will be out soon. :D And yes Lin is gender-confused... highly... LOL. XD Second chapter will be in BlueMoonWriter13's style :D and 3rd in LatteCurlz style. :) :D :) 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: We're baaaaaaaack!  
>Disclaimer: Again, we do not own DGM.<br>Warnings: um... ya... you know the rest. :D

*The day after the slumber party incident*  
>Lin walked through the dining hall, her head hanging low, as everyone who saw what happened last night stared. She muttered continuously "I'm a guy... I'm a guy..."<br>"LIN! Over here!" Soren yelled across the room, beckoning Lin to sit across from her and Lalota. As Lin sat down, Soren threw her hands up and slammed them on the table, making everybody jump.  
>"How would you two like to go to the hot springs tonight? Like, at midnight, when nobody's around?" Soren said loudly.<br>"Only I would be in a different hot spring. For guys. Cause I'm a guy. Like, with a penis and junk." Lin said loud enough for everyone to hear.  
>"No you're not." Lavi said in a sing-song voice as he walked by.<br>"I so totally am a guy! I have a penis just like you!" She replied.  
>"Wanna compare?" Lavi asked, smirking, as Kanda stopped and stared at him. "FUCK NO!"<br>Off to the side, Lalota and Soren were whispering with Kanda.  
>"I didn't even think regular guys did that." Lalota whispered. Kanda rolled his eyes.<br>"But then again, we've got a gender-confused woman, a suspicously gay man, and the rest of the black order." Soren replied.  
>"I'M A GUY!"<br>*Around midnight*  
>"Ok, be careful. This IS a hot spring, so it's gonna be hot. And since we're all friends, we don't really need towels."<br>"I do. Ya know, cause I'm a guy. With a penis and junk..." Lin stated.  
>"Ok, Lin. We get it. Shutup and strip." Lalota said. The three then stepped into the spring to enjoy a nice, relaxing bath. 5 minutes later, they heard a voice yelling "BONZAI!" and saw a streak of red followed by a splash.<br>"So, what ya'll up to?" Lavi said as he popped out of the water. The other two rushed to cover their friend.  
>"It's impossible to cover them!" They whispered.<br>"I'm a guy! Totally a guy!" Lin squeeled.  
>"Oh ya? Stand up and show me!" Lavi said, moving towards them. "No, i think I'll stay here." Lin yelped.<br>"Are you sure you're not gay?" Lalota asked.  
>"Only for Lin. But seriously, I know you're a girl Lin." Lavi said with a wink. Soren and Lalota looked at each other, smiled, grabbed their friend's arms,<br>and lifted her out of the water, revealing her obvious girl-bits. Lavi blinked.  
>"S-strike!" He said before fainting. "Oh no! He's gonna drown!" Lin shouted. "Thats what you're worried about?" Lalota and Soren shouted together. Lin nodded. They all went to go pull Lavi out of the water, and after they laid him down on the ground, they put their towels back on and proceeded to lift him and carry him to the infirmary. As they ran down the hallways, Soren held up his feet, Lin his head, and Lalota his torso. At one point as they ran down the hall, Lin's hand slipped, causing his head to fall onto her boobs. She sighed.<br>"Why me?" She muttered. Lalota and Soren just rolled their eyes. *1 AM in the cafeteria*  
>Meanwhile, in the dining hall, everyone who had been involved in the sleepover incident were playing monopoly and other board games. "Haha! I will buy Bak Chan from you for 250!"Komui said, laughing.<br>"Wait what? Who said i wanted you to buy me?" Bak yelled, standing up and pointing.  
>"I don't really think you have a choice in the matter." Allen stated.<br>"Where is that stupid Usagi at when you need him?" Kanda mumbled. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" They heard as they saw the weirdest sight come down the hallway.  
>"HI GUYS BYE GUYS" They heard Soren yell. They all stared.<br>"Was that just...?" "Was that..?"  
>"I think so..." "That was my daughter. In a short-short towel. Soaking wet. Carrying and unconcious man. With her two best friends. What the hell?" Cross said.<br>"... AFTER THEM!" Kanda and Allen yelled. "Lin... this is not keeping a low profile." Klaud said. "Wanna go get some wine?" Cross asked tiredly.  
>"Sounds good."<br>"Should we follow them Komui?" Bak mumbled.  
>"No way. I was about to kick your ass!" Komui said. Bak sighed.<br>*In the infirmary*  
>*Soren is laying on a bed, Lin is standing by Lavi's bed, and Lalota was sitting on the bed opposites Soren's.*<br>"So... that was fun, huh?" Lalota said. "Ya, i never, ever want to do that again." Lin said.  
>"Well you won't have to if you'd just tell everyone you're a girl!" Soren said.<br>"I'm a guy!"  
>"You're a girl!"<br>"I'm a guy!"  
>"You're a girl!"<br>"What's going on?"  
>"I'M A GUY!"<br>"... You're a girl!" Allen and Kanda stared at the two, ahem, girls(?) who were yelling at each other. Soren was laying on a bed with her arm over her eyes. Lin was standing by lavi's bed, and Lalota was sitting next to Soren looking amused. "Ya know, Lin, i think you should just give up already." She said in a bored tone. Kanda and Allen sat on another bed to watch what was happening. "No! I'm a guy dammit!" Lin yelled. She(he?) stomped her foot. Lalota snickered and Soren sighed.  
>"What are we gonna do with you." Soren said. All of a sudden, Komui and Bak ran in, knocking into Lin and making her fall to the floor. Her towel fell off, landing next to her head. Komui fell and hit his head on the bedpost, knocking himself out. Bak fell on top of him, sitting up and looking around.<br>"Huh? What the-" Lalota said, before shaking her head. "Nevermind. I don't wanna know." She walked over to the bed Kanda was sitting on and sat down, hugging him. "Teehee."  
>"Hey, Lin, i think the jig is up." Soren said as Allen walked over and stood over her. "Hey there." She muttered.<br>"Hey. Wanna explain whats going on?" He replied. "I can do that!" Lalota exclaimed. "Ya see, the three of us, Me, Lin, and Soren, were in the hot springs. And Lavi got in and told Lin that he knew she was a girl-"  
>"IM A GUY!" "-You're a girl! Anyway, after he said that me and Soren made her stand up and he fainted. He said something about strike though... Oh well." As she finished her story she smiled brightly, still hanging onto Kanda, who was looking at her and blushing.<br>"Let me geuss, he saw her boobs didnt he?" Bak said. "Totally." Soren said. She sighed. All of a sudden, 3 things happened at once; Lavi woke up and saw Lin laying on the floor naked; Cross and Klaud walked in; And Allen's hand slipped in the water from Soren's hair, and faceplanted into her boobs. It went dead quiet, as everyone's jaws fell to the floor. "GET OFF MY DAUGHTER!" Cross yelled, grabbing Allen by his hair and throwing him across the room. Soren then jumped up and started yelling at her father "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! STOP HARRASSING HIM!" She said. As she stomped her foot, her towel finally got sick of the abuse, and fell. "...EEEEEEPPPPP!" Lin and Lalota jumped into action. Lin grabbed the two towels and knocked everybody out. Lalota sheilded her friend and dragged her out of the room. "GOTTA GO GOTTA GO FAST GOTTA RUNNNNNN!" Soren yelled. They ran out of the room, as Lin looked around and said:  
>"Hopefully they'll suffer memory loss." Then she proceeded to walk out of the room after her two friends.<p>

*END CHAPTER*

A/N: well... um... ya. Next chapter be out soon! :D :D :D lol So, if you'll notice there is a lovely qoute in here. "GOTTA GO GOTTA GO FAST GOTTA RUNNNNNNNN" that is actually from BlueMoonWriter13, this lovely qoute: "I gotta go, i gotta go fast! I gotta peeeeee!" LOL Um... ya.  
>We said the word 'Guy' 17 times in this chapter. :) Lol.<br>Random fun fact!: There were two boob faceplants in this chapter, courtesy of Lavi and Allen, the new playa's of the black order. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: HELLLOOOOOOO! :D It's been a while, right? Right. I'm so sorry T^T I didn't mean to disappear for so long, I swear! Im a highschool student give me some credit! Anyway, welcome to another episode of 'TNDOTNE' :D I have bluemoonwriter13 here again ^^ say hi sis!

BMW13- …hi

Kandachan- Aww, she's shy ^^ literally XD

BMW13- wut ever im just tired .

Kandachan- Aw, babe, I sorry v.v

BMW13- don't call me babe! . I has boyfriend remember…..anyway shouldn't we ya know warn them?

Kandachan- lmao. Yes. Ok, so, this chapter contains….. ya know, the usual. Crack. Stripping. Sex. –coughcough- Ok, onto the chappy!

Disclaimer: Would we be writing this shit if we owned DGM? No? exactly….

-inside the cafeteria, 3 weeks after 'the incident in the infirmary'-

"So, Lin has finally started dressing like a girl… sorta?" Lalota asked Soren watching her scarf her food like Allen.

"Yes, in a way. It's so strange though" she replied after taking a drink.

"What?" Allen asked sitting down next to her with his food.

"Their relationship. You know, her and Lavi's. we all know they like each other so they should just kiss right?"

"Yeah" the two replied

"But they avoid each other worse then they did before. And on top of that she is actually acting….well…normal"

"No! Are we sure we're talking about the same person?" Lalota asked.

"yes and I hate it" Soren answered as her father ~Cross~ walked by looking at her and smiling then looking at Allen with that 'back off bitch' look.

"You know I will never get used to that." Allen said pilling up the cleaned plates that not moments before were full with…well…everything.

"Yeah sorry 'bout that" suddenly Reever walked in and came over to their table.

"Hi Reever-san!" Lalota said, smiling. Reever grinned at her.

"Hello Miss Lalota. Have you seen Lavi and Lin?" He asked. Lalota, Allen and Soren all looked at each other then shrugged.

"We haven't seen 'em." Soren said. Lalota looked thoughtfull.

"Lavi and Lin have been missing all day… You don't think they're together do you?"

"Nooo… they wouldn't be…" The next moment, the 3 exorcist's and the scientist were out of the cafeteria, searching for their two AWOL friends.

-TIME WARP. 1 Hour later, random hallway-

"Progress?" Lalota said as they all met up in a random hallway.

"Haven't seen 'em." Soren responded.

"They're not anywhere in the science department." Reever said.

"Hm… let's check this way." Allen suggested, pointing right. He started walking and they all followed, when suddenly… *insert dramatic pause*

"LAVI, THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" They all stopped dead, looking confused and lost. They all looked at the door that the yell had come from behind. They all moved closer and leaned in to hear better. Each placing an ear on the door.

As they leaned in, they heard a loud moun. The 3 exorcists shared a horrified look, then busted out into silent laughter.

"What was _that?_" A small voice asked. They all whipped around to see Timothy standing behind them with a disturbed look on his face. Lalota facepalmed.

"Not this again." Lalota said.

"Timothy! You really should stop doing that" Soren said trying to get he to leave. "You really are to young to hear these things"

"Oh Soren, let him stay, let him learn young" Allen said with a chukle. Lalota stared at him with a disturbed look on her face.

"I think you've been around Master Cross too much…" She said with a shudder. Reever stared at them.

"Did you just say 'master cross'?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Lalota nodded and Allen sighed.

"Ya. Lalota and I are both Cross's apprentices. You could sort of say we're… related."

"well at least your not his kid" Soren said with a shudder. "Worst five years of my life"

Their conversation was interrupted by another much louder moan. As they began to return to their places at the door another familiar was standing there.

"Ah! Kanda!" Lalota said with a huge smile on her face clinging to his arm with what looked to be a death grip, though he didn't seem to mind….almost as if he liked it secretly.

"What's going on here?" their hearts jumped at the sound of a drunken Cross.

"Daddy!" they all stared at Soren.

"Daddy?" Lalota looked at her questioningly.

"Don't ask," Allen replied.

"I thought I took all of your alcohol"

"Not the dining hall's" he said with a smirk

"Master" Lalota said facepalming….again.

"oh don't be that way….." Cross started walking towards Soren tripping over Lalota and Kanda knocking down, yet another door. He stood in the doorway and just stared for a few seconds, facepalmed, and walked away with a sigh. "I need more booze."

The 5 remainding bystanders stood for a few seconds, before looking through the doorway. What they saw shocked them. Lin and Lavi were sitting on the floor, holding stuffed animals, and had obviously been in a pseudo-pillow fight with them. They were staring at the intruders as if they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Reever coughed, and all eyes were on him. He looked at the two lovebirds on the floor.

"Uh, when you two are done here, Komui wanted to see you in his office…" With that, he walked off. As did the other exorcists.

Later that day, there were three missions assigned, to three pairs.

"Allen, Kanda."

"Lalota, Soren."

"Lavi, Lin."

"You're mission is in Venice. It's a get-in-and-grab mission. But be careful, this is not a normal assignment. The town you're going to is experiencing strange happenings, something we have not encountered before…"

"What would that be?"

"…that's the question, isn't it? Quite _puzzling,_ I say. Good luck!"

And with that, the 3 pairs were off, unsuspecting.

What could possibly go wrong?

A/N: Um, yea… this is really short. And the grammar sucks. BUT, that is not because of me. I let BMW13 type, and she has… grammar issues. Lol, and spelling issues. But it's all good, because I love her. ^^ BYE

Kanda Chan and BMW13 OUT. -4/29/12-


End file.
